I Finally Found Serenity
by deanandjo4ever1
Summary: After the events on Miranda the crew start to figure things out. Jayne will finally understand what it means to have a partner that you can trust. Things from the past will come back to haunt some and save others. Please read and review. Constructive Critisim welcome.
1. The Talk

A/N I'm finally posting the first two chapter of this story. I've been working on it for awhile. I would like to give a shot out to Malpal my wonderful Beta. She is an amazingly pateint woman and wonderful writer.

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You're not touchin' em, you bastard. Your idea of helpin' people are cuttin' on little girl's brains and makin' em crazy as a loon." Jayne growled through gritted teeth, his stance defensive and ready to spring on the Alliance doctors who were attempting to gather the crew that lay broken in the base of Mr. Universe's Moon.

River gently walked over to Jayne. "They need surgery Jayne or they will die."

"Didn't ask your opinion Moonbrain. Let me do my job Dong Mah."

"Your job is to protect the crew, not allowing them to drift away forever. They all need more medical help than Inara and I can offer. We could care for Kaylee but she would endure more pain, while we helped. The Operative has sworn to us that they will be safe and looked after."

"Don't trust him none. He chased us all over this verse trying to catch you 'n your brother, think he's gonna high tail it stop know?"

"I'm fine. I will watch over everyone. You need looking after too, Jayne. If they don't remove the bullet lead poisoning and death will come to the mean grumpy man. Surely it is better to be cut on by a white coat."

"I don't want em touchin me, River." She had never seen the emotion that was in his eyes. He truly saw the Alliance as the big bad guys that they had always been, Jayne Cobb was a changed man, Miranda had seen to that.

"She will protect you all. Promise me you will let them take care of you. We need our man with girl's name to make the family whole."

"You're crazy Moonbrain. And just a bei bi shiou ren. My job is to protect the crew. And whether or not I like it you're crew. Damn it." He growled with frustration.

"I'm not that crazy anymore, and age is irrelevant, I've had my brain cut and dissected for these purple bellies fun, they made a weapon out of a girl. I just took out a room full of nightmares that no one should ever see. Eighteen may be my physical age, but the things I've lived through most will never go through and should not have to. I can protect this crew and I will with my life. Let me do this one thing to repay you all for protecting me."

Hearing what Jayne was thinking, River frowned and stomped her foot in frustration. "Oh Jayne let it go Ariel was a long time ago. You shouldn't think so ruttin loud." With those words she stormed past Jayne with a fierce look in her eye. A look that told Jayne she could easily back up her words with fierce and bone breaking action.

"Wo de ma. That was sexy." He breathed out in confusion.

With a new found understanding, he realized he had never hated the girl as he had thought for so long. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He saw something in her he could hold onto... Hands on his hips, he spat on the ground and shook his head wearily. He was humped/


	2. The Hospital

A/N Thank you again to my wonderful Beta Malpal

Chapter 2

The hospital

River stalked the halls of the Alliance as the staff worked hard to patch up her crew. River reached out with her mind to make sure her family was okay. The first mind she felt was Zoe. River's heart broke as she was swept away in the pain of Zoe's emotions. She felt as if a dagger was sticking through her chest. She felt the empty hole that was where Wash had once been. But she felt something else, a spark that was full of light and pure. She saw in her mind's eye a baby with mocha colored skin, blonde curly hair, and bright blue eyes. The only problem was that the baby had not revealed itself as a boy or girl. Either way Zoe would heal and this child would bring love back to the warrior woman's shattered heart.

She had opened her mind up a little further and felt worry, anxiety, fear, concern, and love that had once been buried but was now being unearthed. Inara's thoughts became her own, and while she was only bruised, her mind was cut open with fresh wounds. The Alliance was not what she thought it had been. It was just a way to control everyone, fix things that didn't need to be fixed. The man she had left might not make it out of surgery and she had never even told him she loved him. She thought to bury her feelings when she went back to the training house, but now the thought of him never waking up or even becoming blind due to the fight with the Operative rupturing his retina, was enough to make her heartsick. Could she face the possibility of losing him; and if he survived could she open her heart to actually love him?

Next she reached out to Kaylee and found what she expected….sunshine. It was how the young engineer always felt. However, at the moment, the sun that was normally shining in Kaylee was shadowed by a cloud. The hurt of losing Wash and Book filled her mind, but also the love that Simon had finally offered was there also. She would heal and be happy. Nothing could keep Kaylee down long, River thought as she smiled to herself.

Simon and Mal were the hardest to get a feel for because they were under the effects of drugs from their surgeries. She felt their sleep trying to take over her mind. Simon would have to be drugged for a longer period than Mal; in fact she had almost lost her brother during his surgery. She felt him getting stronger, but the damage was done. Simon's rose colored glasses that he had seen the world through had finally been ripped off, and now the world he saw was a much colder place. Despite feeling the effects of the drugs Mal felt like he had finally done the right thing and achieved a victory for the Browncoats. He felt the loss of his crew and the longing to be in the black, even under drugs Mal was always Mal, but there was a new spark there, something that River could not quite put her finger to.

With her mind being opened she suddenly felt a strong prescence and the smell of gun oil pricked her nose. Jayne was awake and he was pissed. No one would tell him anything of the crew and he wanted to know how they were. River drifted toward his room.

"Gorramit you had better start telling me 'bout my crew and their conditions and where in the hell is that moon brained girl?"  
She walked in and he grimaced at her painfully. "You look like hell Moonbrain." He said as he winced from the pain in his shoulder.

"I've been through hell." She replied with a small smile. She turned to the nurse and dismissed the woman.

"How's the crew?" he asked as he sat forward a little wincing as he pulled his stitches.

"Zoe is all hollow and full of hurt. Her wings have been clipped but soon she will soar. Kaylee is well…. Kaylee is full of sunshine; it's just not as bright. The loss makes a cloud in her heart. Inara will be fine. Hope in the people she supported in government has been crushed. Simon and Mal they were touch and go, but they are strong in the head." She looked down and let her hair fall forward in her face.

"Everyone's fine then?" Jayne asked in confusion, not sure he understood all that came out of her mouth.

"Yes the wolf has protected his pack," she answered sheepishly.

"Normal people talk please River, my head hurts." He stated as he looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time.

"You did fine, you allowed the doctors to fix your crew."

"Only cause you made me Moonbrain." He said with a little…she wasn't sure if it was fear or shame that dripped from his voice. River shivered from the chill in the air. Jayne noticed and gave her a look of concern. "Girl you cold?" She nodded slowly finally looking at the man's face. "Why don't ya clean up and get out of those blood sucked clothes."

"I can't get on Serenity. The Alliance has it locked down until the Captain wakes up. They won't even let me get to Wash's body to take care of him."

"Moony ya don't need ta take care of Wash, till ya have someone with ya." He stated he could see the hurt and compassion in her eyes, no little girl should have to take care of the body of someone they loved. Jayne knew this because he had had to do it in the past. Jayne yelled for a nurse who River had dismissed earlier. A woman wearing all white entered the room. "Get this here girl some clothes and somethin' to cover up with."

"Yes Mr. Cobb." About ten minutes later the nurse reentered with a pair of scrubs for River to put on.

River went into the bathroom and started the hot water, she stepped in and the water scalded her skin it felt good….it felt real. She let the water run over her as she scrubbed the blood of the Reavers that was caked on her skin and in her hair. She felt her own mind for the first time in a long time. It was so broken but with the dark memory purged it would begin to heal. She cried and they were her own tears, not memories and feelings belonging to someone else. She cried for the abuse the Alliance had put her mind and body through, things she had not even told Simon had been done to her. She cried for the lives lost on Haven, for the man that was pinned to his pilot's chair, the man that would never see the child he had given his wife as a parting gift. She cried for all the things she could not change, like the lives she had taken on Beumonde, and the men that had become things that most people could not even dream in their worst of night terrors. The water ran cold and she stepped out and dried off and slipped into scrubs the nurse had brought her and wrapped herself in the blanket and walked back into Jayne's room.  
2 days ago

There, she was met with the most wonderful smell. It had been so long since her mouth watered from something as simple as a scent.

"Thought you might be hungry Moonbrain. Had em bring ya a plate." Jayne stated as he pushed the tray toward the girl. He gave her a look that was a mix of unknowing and confidence.

She opened her tray and was met with the sight of grilled chicken rubbed in rosemary, sweet corn, mashed potatoes and a slice of real apple pie, her favorite. She took a bite of the chicken and closed her eyes it was the most delicious thing she had ate in what felt like years.

"You like it Moonbrain?" Jayne asked almost shyly. He would never tell but he had ordered her tray special.

"Yes it is wonderful, better than protein mash." She answered biting her bottom lip nervously.

"Got to agree with ya there." Jayne remarked with a small smile. River felt guilt echo through her mind and it was coming from the man in the hospital bed setting next to her.

"Jayne I am going to try and control my reading ablities but you can't scream inside my head. I've already told you Ariel was a lifetime ago. All is forgiven." She said in a voice that was much older than her years.

"I almost let them bluehanded fellas take ya back River and that ain't right. Tried to kick ya off the ship again when you hurt them folk back at the Maidenhead, cause you weren't right probably never be right in the brain pan, that ain't your fault or nothin . Ain't ever treated ya like crew Moonbrain." He said with guilt dripping from his voice.

"Well, start now. I forgive you. Money was not the most important thing on Ariel. I was a hand grenade with the pin pulled, and to be fair I started it because I thought red suited you better and I still think you look better in it." She said with a smirk on her little pink lips.

"Let's make a truce of sorts, no cuttin Jayne open with butcher knives and I'll treat ya like crew." Jayne replied with a genuine smile.

"Deal." River looked at him and stuck her tongue out at him. They sat in comfortable silence as they ate the rest of their meal. A truce had been made and a friendship began to grow.


	3. Refelctions

Chapter 3

Reflections

(A/N this is a very lengthy chapter I do apologize for that in advanced I really wanted to show a slow development of their relationship and how close they did grow to one another while healing. I also wanted to show all of the crew as well. Even though this is primarily Rayne we can't have Serenity with out all of her crew even the ones we lost. Finally updated. Thank you again Malpal.

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The crew had spent a month in the Alliance hospital, they were finally released with a clean bill of health. As soon as Serenity was up and running, they were headed for Haven. Wash sat in the bay in the cryo box River first arrived in. Jayne had helped place him there, and watched and held River as she cried for the lose of their friend. Jayne had even let a tear enter his eye, though it never fell. River had became his friend and partner and he never wanted to see those whiskey colored eyes filled with tears of sadness again.

River sat in the pilot's chair and set course for Haven. She loved the peace of looking out into the black, and seeing the massive stars up close, as if she could reach out the window and touch them.

She picked up one of Wash's dinos and began to play with it. She had never told anyone not even Zoe that he used to play with her. She loved Wash and missed him greatly, her wacky uncle, she thought with a sad smile. All of a sudden emotions and feelings hit her like a tidal wave, and tears that had not slipped since she and Jayne had placed their friend in his final resting place fell. The feeling of love and family was overcoming. She felt every embrace, kiss, and moments of comfortable silence, and if she tried so could see the funny little pilot smiling at her. She remembered the fights and every unkind cruel word that was spat between the wacky pilot and the warrior woman hit like physical bone crushing blows to the heart, and a small sob escaped her lips, and like a dam that had reached its filling she broke and a waterfall of tears left her eyes, and she felt love as she had never felt it before, and it was a love that she wanted to fill that was her own, and for the first time in a long time she felt a sense of peace.

Jayne sat alone in his bunk, thinking about the days a head of him, and the things he would have to face. They were headed to haven to bury their dead, and the bodies of the people that had been slain in their defense, and that angered Jayne. Why were people always so gorram ready to die for people they barely knew, it reminded him of that stupid mudder back on Higgin's moon, that had taken a shotgun round to the chest to protect him. He didn't deserve that, he wasn't trying to help them out, he was just trying to escape. Just like on Haven, they had been hiding there, sure they had met the people and made friends but not the kind of friends he would have died for, maybe that was the problem maybe he needed more people to die for instead of dying for him. Then his thoughts wondered if he had anyone he die for, and the question was answered, before he would allow anyone to hurt anyone living on this boat he would take a shot for them immediately. "Gorramit." he cursed silently to himself he had went and broke Jayne's first rule, never have anyone close to you. He grabbed Vera off of the wall next to his bed and began stripping her down and cleaning her. Maybe if he could get his mind off the next days task he could have the tension released.

After several hours of cleaning Vera, he still wasn't calmed, maybe a good long strenuous workout would help clear his mind. He made his way out of his bunk quietly and down to the cargo bay and sat on his weight bench and began the mind numbing repeation that helped him calm his nerves, but he found himself wondering back to the man that had spotted him sometimes over the last year. Sheppard Book. A piece of the stone that Jayne had used to harden his heart, broke away. The next thing that Jayne knew he was setting on his weight bench talking to the old man asking for his advice, and he heard the calming man's voice in his head. He needed to seek out his friend and partner.

Jayne went walking up to the pilots cabin when he saw his little Moonbrain, she was curled up with a dinosaur in her lap and familiar browncoat tucked around her. He figured if Mal had already found her then the autopilot was set. He decided to pick her up and carry her to her room, the girl didn't need to sleep in that hard chair. He lifted her as if she was light as a feather and carried her to her cabin and slowly opened the door, River had not stirred once as he did this. He laid her gently on her bed and placed a blanket around her making sure to tuck her bare feet in real good. River woke up just a little bit and reached up while he was watching her sleep and kissed him on the check and whispered, "When love is not madness, it is not love." Jayne stood dumbstruck because of her words, and not because they made no sense but because he absolutely did.

Jayne walked quietly back to his bunk and climbed down the ladder, and crawled in his bed and wrapped himself in the blanket his mother had made and drifted off to sleep as thoughts of a crazy moon brained girl's lips on his check and her quiet words rang in his ears, a peaceful sleep overtook him and if anyone would have walked in they would have since a hardened mercenary sleeping like a child for the first time in years.

They touched down on Haven the next morning and the sweet kind people of the mining world no longer greeted them with smiles and hugs. All that met the crew was the stench of death and decay filled with a heavy silence. Jayne was slightly grateful that the beginnings of winter had started to set, maybe the smell wouldn't be too bad. Jayne stayed behind and watched as Simon and Kaylee walked down the ramp hand in hand leaning on one another, Mal and Inara walked silently side by side and Zoe followed behind protectively as always, but he thought he saw her brush her stomach quickly as she did so. All of a sudden standing next to him was River, "How ya feeling today Moonbrain?" he asked as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "She feels as if her heart is heavy and will fall out of her chest in a matter of time." She responded, and yet again Jayne found himself dumbstruck by the fact that he understood her as if she made perfect sense. He knew that they had became friends and partners to one another but when did her crazy speak start making complete and total since to this man. River smiled a quirky smile up at the man and walked off the ship leaving him even more confused.

After everyone had walked around looking at all the death and destruction Jayne and Mal went in and grabbed the cryo box that held Wash and walked it to the top of the a beautiful hill and placed it gentely on the ground, then went back and did the same for Mr. Universe. They then went and found Book and carried him to the same hilltop and dug through the wreckage and found his worn bible and placed it in his hands. Jayne looked down and the peaceful old man and smiled. Simon Zoe and Mal stayed behind to do the digging and burying. Jayne was to help Kaylee with the small children and the people of the place. He was almost thankful that their was only about fifteen others on this rock. The quicker he buried them the quicker he could put this whole nightmare behind him. He wondered if River would be okay with Inara in setting up the meals and of course finding a place to make camp that night.

Kaylee had memorized everyone's name and was marking the crosses as Jayne laid them in the ground softly. Neither of them spoke the whole day as the worked, which Jayne was silently thankful for. They finally reached the last body to be buried of the towns people, a small child named Chris, he was one of the first to always meet them as they touched down, wanting to help Kaylee in the engine room or wear Mal's browncoat. Kaylee told him the name of the young in and then her composure broke and the tears fell. "Mei Mei why don't ya go check in on River and Nara? I'll take care of this en by myself." he said as he hugged the young woman. "Thank you Jayne." she said as she damn near squeezed the air out of him.

Jayne went back to the ship and grabbed a blanket from his room that his mother had lovingly made for him and wrapped the young boy in it. Tears filled the man's eyes as he thought about what had happened to this young un, and how no child deserved this, his neck had been snapped and his head lulled at an odd angle. Not many things could move the man made from of mountain of stone, but this broke his heart to pieces. He laid the young child in his final resting spot. The tears broke as he filled the small grave with dirt. He was thrown back to his home planet Tanis many years ago, burying his baby brother. Jacob had died of damp lung, a disease that ran in Jayne's family, he was the only child that did not have it. Jacob had only been four, and Jayne was still a boy himself at the age of fourteen. Ma Cobb would have done it herself accept for she had newborn baby Mattie in her arms, so Jayne shouldered that burden for his family. They had also just found out that poor Mattie had the same infection in her lungs that had claimed Jake, but she had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday.

Jayne let tears fall that had been held back for years, the last time he had cried had been the night that he had taken to the mercenary's way of life and to the black, and that was almost twenty years ago. He didn't even cry as he learned that his father had been killed in a mining "accident" or when he lowered his father's body in the ground and craved his own tombstone and engraved it personally. He hadn't realized that while he cried that a young girl had slipped in next to him and wrapped her slender arms around him and he held her back and wept, she wept wit him.

After the tears had stopped falling he reached down and took her small delicate hand in his and it fit perfectly. They walked up to the hill top where they had buried Book and Wash and stood side by side as they mourned their friends.

That night they gathered around a campfire that Jayne had started and sat and ate in silence, just enjoying being near one another. Jayne pulled out his guitar and bang to strum a hymn from Earth-That-Was, a sad song that inspired hope. River began to hum along and Kaylee joined in with her beautiful voice "T'was grace that taught my heart ta fear, t'was grace that my heart relived." Soon the rest of the crew began to sing along as well, including Mal.

Mal didn't understand why watching all of his crew sing such a song made his heart fill lighter. His mind didn't quite understand why this song about God's love made him feel a presence he hadn't since his young, but his heart felt lighter. He may have lost his faith, but maybe the battle in Serenity Valley wasn't the won he was supposed to win, maybe saving the people that sat around this campfire in this moment was what was supposed to happen.

Zoe stood up after the hymn was finished. "I have a announcement to make. Apparently my Mister left me a parting gift, while I was in the hospital they told me that in about seven months we will have a little Wash running around." Zoe looked like a warrior goddess in her brown worn leather and the campfire casting an eerie glow, as she stood proudly with her arms laid on her stomach.

Zoe stood waiting patiently for the reactions of her crew. Mal stood and walked to his first mate and long time best friend. She swore she saw a tear roll down her caption's face, he placed a hand on her stomach. "Seems to me with this new addition to the crew, I'm gonna have to find me a new gun hand." He said proudly. River spoke up above the rest, where she was setting next Jayne "I'll do it Caption Daddy." River pipped eagerly. "River are you sure…." "Simon you finish that thought and I'll see that Kaylee doesn't have man parts to play with anymore. Plus Jayne Man will take care of me." Simon shut his mouth and his face became a deep shade of red and he nervously tugged on his ear. Kaylee giggled at the man she loved reaction.

Even with the events that tore a big gaping hole in their hearts they all flew true, and stronger together. Everyone was getting along, and not even on the best of days had that ever happened before. A mechanic had won her doctor; a companion had claimed her pirate king, even if they hadn't realized it; a mercenary had started chipping his stone away from his heart; a broken ballerina had started learning a new dance, and becoming a beautiful woman that was putting all the pieces back together. A fallen warrior queen was re-claiming her throne. And a faithless man was on the road to finding it once more.

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A/N Sorry my beta is having some wonderful things that are going on in her life. I'm going to send her the rest of my chapters this story is almost complete just not betaed. If she she is not able to work on it. I may post it and correct things later that she notices.


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